Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
