She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
