Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
