this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
