I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
