I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
