i think my mom watched the whole time
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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