I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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