Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
