thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
