I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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