god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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