In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A bitchslap is in order.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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