The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
