if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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