Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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