"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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