Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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