Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
