I need to stop coming to work sober
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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