...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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