Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
