my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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