Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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