You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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