Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
