so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
