Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is wine microwaveable?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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