I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
