I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
