I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize