it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
