he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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