We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
