It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
