Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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