So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
