I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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