Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
