About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
