Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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