2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
