Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize