i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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