she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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