I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
