last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
