Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
