im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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