i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
