I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
