I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize