if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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