I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
