You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A+ Viking dick
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