Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
PANTIES FOUND
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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