You made me cry and you don't even care
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
