first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
