You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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