I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
