they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
