She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
