they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
