if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
