Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
