Betty ford says i'm here all night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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