The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
