My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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