Joe is yelling at the trees again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
