office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
