dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
