And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
