SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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