I hate all girls vehemently.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
