It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
