i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
