Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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