i would punch a child for taco bell
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
