i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
