This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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