I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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