All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
