peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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