My friends, they love my intelligence
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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