We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
