i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
