Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Randomize
