she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
