hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
