Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
